I Hate Inspirational Quotes and Here’s Why

I can’t credit this because I don’t know who came up with it originally but I’ll just say that that person deserves a really big donut.

Inspirational quotes are stupid and that’s why I hate them.

First of all, they’re almost always faulty analogies. Second, they’re often taken out of context. Third, they’re bullshit. A life motto worked out for you? Good for you. Does that mean it’s going to work out for 7 billion other people? No. So shut your face. These are the ones that make me want to live alone in a cabin in the Alps the  most.

1) “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.”*

No you don’t. You know why? It’s not called missing if you don’t take the shot. What would happen if I handed you a basketball in a room without a net and danced around you disco-style singing “You missed! You missed! You suck because you missed!”? You would punch me in the face, that’s what. Because you didn’t miss. Because you didn’t take the shot.

Also sometimes you take the shot and you die. Like all those dudes who went down Niagara Falls in a barrel and died. I bet you’re really going to regret it if you tell someone to take a shot and they take it and they die. And let me tell you, they will haunt the shit out of you if that happens.

*No offense to Wayne Gretzky who this quote was attributed to because I am Canadian and therefore I love him. He should really control his daughter though, because holy hell.

2) It takes 43 muscles to frown, but only 17 to smile.

Whoever thinks this is a good reason to smile is a lazy bastard. Like, lazier than me lazy. And that’s really lazy.

Satan, or an example of someone who is decidedly not beautiful pretty much however which way you want to look at it. (Picture: hellhappens.com)

3) Everyone is beautiful… so smile, and so are you, etc.

Not everyone is beautiful. Beautiful, like pretty much all adjectives ,is comparative, which means if everyone is beautiful the word is meaningless. So a proper response would be “Not everyone is full of shit, but you are.” Or, of course, you could choose to be nice. Anyway, it doesn’t matter if you aren’t beautiful unless you’re a model or a competitor in a beauty pageant. Hopefully, you’re living somewhere where looks don’t matter that much. And if you are, you should either a) change other people’s mindsets or b) leave. Of course, if you’re beautiful and don’t mind being unfairly advantaged, then you won’t have to do anything. So you can relax and just comb your hair or something.

And don’t tell me you meant beautiful on the inside. Because then you chose the wrong word.

4) “Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” – Dr. Seuss.

I love Dr. Seuss like everybody else. And I think for the most part people should say and do whatever the hell they want.  The second part of the sentence, however, always annoys me. This is because oftentimes people say stupid things like that gay people shouldn’t get married. And you certainly should mind, because that’s an unfair thing to say. Frankly, I think the people who matter are those who do mind because if you just blindly accept everything you’re probably a shit person.

My rage at inspirational quotes knows no end but my patience and willingness to write does, and I’ve reached it. Drop an inspirational quote you hate or tell me why you hate me and I don’t matter in the comments!

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About snarkchick

Usually I talk to food but I think I'm going to try talking to the Internet. Because of that whole, you know, obesity thing.

21 responses to “I Hate Inspirational Quotes and Here’s Why”

  1. stu carruthers says :

    LOVE IT! just shared on FB if thats cool! fucken inspiration my arse.

  2. Wing says :

    Ugh, yes. I was fed up with seeing stupid motivational quotes superimposed over pictures of random shit like bats on Tumblr, and I had to run to Google to make sure I wasn’t alone in my irritation. Thank you.

  3. ce says :

    Be you, not them

    I hate that one.

  4. Barbara Ritthaler says :

    What about this one from the King of Bullshit himself:

    “Light itself has neither color nor brightness. Awareness imbues it with those properties. We are the makers of reality.” – Deepak Chopra

  5. Shyanne says :

    I f*cking love you. This relates to me way too well.

  6. Alou says :

    Yes, so much yes.

  7. Eddy says :

    Aaaa I love this post. A girl I know posted this:

    “If someone won’t lift a finger to call you, see you, and spend time with you, it’s time for you to lift five fingers and wave goodbye.”

    Words do not describe how much I hate this. I replied with this:

    “Can’t say I agree with that. Communication works both ways.”

    She replied:

    “Even when I’ve been in hospital for 4 days?”

    That response makes me want to grab a spoon and scoop my own eyes out. i’m trying to think of a diplomatic come back but my emotions are running too high. Any suggestions?

    • snarkchick says :

      Ooh I’d like to lift a certain finger to that quote! I’ve never been good at diplomatic responses unfortunately, but I hope you’ve worked it out!

      • Eddy Hope says :

        Oh yes I worked it out. The comment (essay) I left was enough for the person to remove the image. :-)

  8. Randy says :

    If you need inspirational and motivational hype to get you going each day then you are as fake as the optimism you are trying to project.

  9. June says :

    I soooo hate quotes on Facebook. They annoy the crap out of me especially when the people posting them don’t even live by what they are posting! I always take them personally as well which feels like my friends are preaching at me and I am not good enough! Like one friend keeps posting stuff about being kind to others ……as if we are not already doing it? Who is she speaking to? And if she has to put it out there why is she friends with unkind people? Ggggrrrrrrrr

  10. lightgoatbrigade says :

    Just one of the many reasons I left FB. I hate that shit.

  11. Mel says :

    These quotes give me the shits! Love your post.

  12. severalsomethings says :

    This post is great! Seems like some think the only way to be “deep” is to find crappy quotes and share with everyone. Please share humorous or sarcastic quotes to brighten my day, but be inspired in private! This is what I want to say to people, but unfortunately being to polite to do so – at least till now…

  13. Norman Guzman says :

    also some like: “if you fall seven times get up 8″ and i wonder how the !””#$%”!! are you gonna get up if you havent got to the ground?

  14. James Keil says :

    I don’t hate you because you’re fat. You’re fat because I hate you.

  15. James Keil says :

    but seriously.. this is the best blog post ever. ;)

  16. kellybigley says :

    I just read inspirational quotes, was reminded of how much I hated them, and decided to type in “I hate inspirational quotes” into google to see if I was normal and yours was the first thing that came up.
    Rock on.

  17. Samaa Ezzeddine says :

    Hahaha, you’re hilarious! “Shut your face” and “Punch me in the face.” Lmao I always say these two things. Plus, I 100% agree with this article. Excellent work!

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